SKREEEEOOOONK! It's "Godzilla 2000!"

In honor of the new Godzilla adaptation that opened about a week ago, and in the best tradition of having a big-budget blockbuster on Memorial Day, I, Mr. Millennium, hereby place Godzilla 2000 in the Museum's exhibit halls.

(Source: http://supermons2.angelfire.com/godzilla_invades_america/98posters.html)

I found this for $5.00 at a video store the other day, and, always one to recognize a good bargain, I snapped it up. Having popped it in, I learned that it actually is a 1999/2000 vintage, and not a re-release as I thought it might be.

It has a new Columbia/Tristar DVD logo, unlike the one featured on next week's Ghostbusters DVD—this one is slightly darker, and has letters that “fly in” and all sorts of neat stuff. It has an all-new animated menu, and when you hit “enter” on one of the selections, a missile flies toward it and explodes. Pretty neat stuff!

That being said, I have some bad news for the purists out there: This release is dub-only—no original Japanese language selection. While I usually prefer the dubbed versions of anime, I don't care for it in live-action, especially if it's not done that well.

On top of all that, I found the action unengaging. Only Godzilla himself gets to lumber around—the movie itself has to get itself to a good, churning boil to counter its star's slow pace. For that it needs good, involving characters, and Godzilla 2000 has a cast that I just can't bring myself to actually care about. There's a Lois Lane-type trying to make her break by getting pictures of Big G; a couple of scientists who discover the big guy's speed-healing properties; the “Godzilla Prediction Network,” who tool around in a cool, ECTO-1 looking vehicle (I half-expected them to use a “No-Ghost” parody as their logo, but alas); and a couple of military and corporate types.

The plot...I found myself kind of amused at its riff on Godzilla's spiritual ancestor, H.G. Wells' The War of the Worlds. Here, a group of scientists discover a gigantic meteorite (a la George Pal's 1954 adaptation) under the ocean. Apparently, it derives its power from the sun, and they're trying to use it as some kind of wild new energy source to get Japan off nuclear power for good. I do believe that much of this story is informed by the Tokaimura incident, which happened on September 30^th, 1999; no doubt many still had it “on the brain.”

Monster and meteorite cause mutual havoc for the human world (its version of the Heat-Ray is powerful enough to make even Godzilla himself sweat!), and in the big climax, the thing turns into a futuristic take on Wells' three-legged Fighting-Machine. Aliens go bye-bye; big guy goes back to the sea bed; all's well that ends well. I don't really feel like I'm spoiling anything, 'cause there's not much more to it than that.

Toho released it as Godzilla 2000: Millennium. Sadly, there's precious little Millennium about it except for the title. The story probably could have involved the event, whether by tying the meteorite in with it, or by saying that Godzilla needed a tux for the Kaiju Bash (the mind-boggling logistics needed for such an event would probably make a good movie in and of itself), but...regrettably, this is not the case. 

All in all, Godzilla 2000's lack of grounding in the New Millennium and its smash-by-numbers air make it a necessary if undistinguished addition to the Museum.